And when I say the message, to make your message memorable, make it simple, make sure it evokes emotions and repeat it again youragemeets.org/ and again. For instance, using abstract communications can signal social distance, whereas using concrete communications can signal proximity. These three perspectives taken together that I just mentioned, are some of the topics we discuss in our negotiation classes. Once we recognize where we are successful in a relationship, it can remind us that not everything is terrible. We are doing some things right, and we have something upon which we can build. While it is essential to identify and fix what is causing conflict within a family, it is equally valuable to recognize what is working.
We talk about admitting mistakes, speaking up without fear of retribution or fear of negative consequences. If people are going to feel comfortable enough to say, you know what, Matt, I’m not sure I see that the same way. That is a potential risk to our relationship, so it’s going to cause a disruption, but we have to normalize those disruptions and give people permission to raise them. There are dynamics that can get in the way including a lack of honesty or commitment to the process, power imbalances, unrealistic expectations, insufficient time, or an unwillingness to compromise. Some people are more transactional, confrontational, or focused on winning rather than creating mutual resolution. Conflicts can also be sustained by factors such as inequality, resource scarcity, political factors, lack of trust, cultural issues, and emotional entrenchment in a respective position.
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Choose an appropriate time and location to have a discussion about the conflict and make sure that both parties are ready and willing to converse. During the talk, objectively focus on the issue rather than the person. Avoid personal attacks, put down, or allegations, and use “I” statements to express your perspective.
- Constructive conflict is most useful when diverse perspectives or multiple opinions are present and members can manage emotions and employ respectful communication to focus on solutions.
- Taking time away from the conflict (at least 20 minutes) to calm down can help us be more prepared to discuss the issue (Gottman, 1999; Gottman & DeClaire, 2001; Markman et al, 2004).
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- This involves not only the words spoken but also the tone, the timing, and the medium through which feelings and thoughts are expressed.
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After discussions are had and apologies are made, it’s vital to take concrete steps towards change. Consistent actions speak louder than words and demonstrate a genuine commitment to improving the relationship. This could mean setting up regular check-ins to discuss any concerns before they escalate, or actively working on the aspects of your behaviour that contributed to the conflict. Conflicts often revolve around seemingly contradictory values like freedom versus security, stability versus adventure, or comfort versus growth.
Re-establishing Trust And Moving Forward Together
Instead, choose a time when all parties are calm, ready, and willing to engage in a constructive dialogue. Select a private, neutral setting to encourage open and honest communication. Moshe Ratson, MBA, MFT, is a psychotherapist and executive coach in NYC.